August 3, 2016

7 More Silly Magic Items

That's not a Dancing Sword, it's a Singing and Dancing Sword! It imposes disadvantage on stealth checks!

Dumb Magic Items

Okay, cards on the table: I didn't have time to write a decent DM advice article this week, but I did have time to write puns and pop-culture references. Here's a few more silly magic items, a few of which I've actually given my players in a game, much to their groans of dismay.

Bag oft' Ricks (Of course, lead them to believe that it's 'Bag of Tricks')
When you open this bag, there is a chance a portal will open in the bag's mouth, producing a confused, and likely intoxicated, interdimensional travelers named Rick. He will ask about his companion, Mort, before creating a similar portal to escape.

Deck of Illusion
This set of parchment cards can't be picked up or acquired because it's illusory.

Figurine of Wondrous Power: Cat
This figurine, carved out of orange crystal, depicts a portly feline. When activated, the cat comes to life, but simply lounges around. The cat will fly into a murderous rage in the presence of lasagna, dogs, or people named Jon, but does not activate on Mondays.

Pants of Elvenkind
These pants are tight. Like, really tight. Doesn't bother elves, though.

Potion of Giant Intelligence
The counterpart to a Potion of Giant Strength, when you drink this potion, your Intelligence becomes 6, unless it were lower, for 1 hour.

Truly Immovable Rod
When you press this rod's button, it affixes itself to the universe's background, remaining still, even as the planet moves. It flies off with immense energy in a direction predetermined by the rotation of the planet, solar system, and galaxy, exploding with the force of a nuclear bomb if it contacts the ground, and flying off into space otherwise.

Ring of Spell Turning  (from the old Encyclopedia Magica)
This gold ring appears plain at first, but upon being attuned the word TURNING etches itself into the surface. The true power of the ring displays itself the first time the wearer is targeted by a hostile spell, at which point the ring loudly shouts "TURNING. T-U-R-N-I-N-G, TURNING." It then immediately becomes unattuned and inert for the current wearer.

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9 comments:

  1. Hello my new loot for today's dungeon!

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  2. I cant stop laughing at Bag Oft' Ricks

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  3. Bag of Ricks made me LMFAO.Deff gonna have to use these....

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  4. My only issue with these otherwise hilariously crafted items is that (at least irl) there is no "universal background". Tests disproved any sort of absolute coordinate system or ether theory years ago. I suggest an immovable rod that is magically tethered to the frame of reference of a different planet, perhaps even one in a different solar system or galaxy.

    Love these lists though, ill be using them as gag treasure for the gang.

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    1. Well, that's precisely the point of Reference Frames in physics -- there's no objective reference frame, no matter how independent bodies might move relative to one another. Everything is inertial reference frames. A rod like this might anchor itself to the center of the galaxy or local group, if you want to be technical. It's no less absurd by physics standards than your immovable rod somehow knowing to stay tethered in its place, even as the planet rotates.

      But I digress: it's just a gag :D

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    2. The rod might affix itself to Quantum Foam.

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  5. The truly immovable rod actually serves a purpose in space fantasy. Build in space, without things drifting off.

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    1. Things will quickly drift off away from nearby planets.

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  6. This comment has been removed by the author.

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