Comments from the Finger: I played one of these back in the 3.5 days, but I was killed by a bleu dragon. It's wasn't a gouda day for anyone.
School of Tyromancy
Not all wizards find the right specialization within the conventional schools of magic, and instead turn to even more focused areas of expertise, like the School of Tyromancy. A wizard of this school (often called a Cheese Whiz) specializes in a subsection of gastromancy that uses energy from Semielemental Plane of Cheese to power his magic. The very first Cheese Whiz, Lactose the Intolerable, learned of this magic shortly before his untimely death.
Starting when you choose this tradition at 2nd level, when you deal damage with a cantrip, you can deal additional slashing damage equal to your Intelligence modifier.
Additionally, your spells adopt a purely cosmetic cheese theme. For example, mage hand appears to be formed from spectral swiss and shield manifests as a wheel of cheese to deflect blows.
Swiss cheese has the deepest divine connection amongst cheeses, for it is holy. At 6th level, by exploiting this connection as a bonus action, you can restore a number of hit points equal to twice your wizard level + your Intelligence modifier. After using this ability, you must complete a long rest before using it again.
Right Brie-hind You
At 10th level, you can use your action to teleport up to 60 feet to a space adjacent to a creature you can see.
Starting at 14th level, can turn solid objects into cheese with a touch. If you touch a nonmagical object, a 10-foot cube of it becomes a type of cheese of your choice. If you touch a creature, it is affected by a variant of the spell flesh to stone that instead transforms the target into cheese. After using this ability, you must complete a long rest before using it again.
Changelog: 5/11/16: Legen-dairy Touch: Typo
Sharp Cheddar: +Int slashing damage